THE TRUTH LIES IN THE DARK
by Sigyn Carlton
Summary: Aaron never forgot Haley, and apparently he can't talk about it either. He's just finishing his job  when he sees Reid quite shaken because of some news.


**THE TRUTH LIES IN THE DARK**

"**If you're going through hell, keep going."**

**Winston Churchill**

It was late midnight when the BAU Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner finally concluded the report about their last case; a rough one. Casey Basile. Apparently an ordinary man, early thirties, rich, good looking, great family... A guy who could easily stand out. Be a successful man. Have a great life. But deep down, he was a psychopath. Murdered five old ladies and slashed their bodies for no reason at all. It was pure violence, but like always, his team ended it.

Being the chief a BAU team, he never complained about staying late to do the bureaucratic part of the job, which has being a big part of his life since the beginning.

Chasing bad guys and taking them down, it was part of what he was made of, it was within him. He knew that, and because he knew that truth, he couldn't turn his back to what he was meant to be. Aaron had to give up a lot of things, he lost a lot too, but that was the price to pay, and even in face of that bitter reality, he never let go, never gave up.

He looked up the report once again and then, he had a glance of the single portrait on his desk. It seemed a whole different life. He leaned back in his chair and took that picture in his hands. Haley and Jack were smiling back at him. He closed his eyes. Memories flooded his mind. Two years have passed since Haley's death and every day, the words he told her at the hospital still haunt him, echoing in his mind.

"_We will catch him and you'll come back and I promise that I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you … I will catch this man"_

That promise has haunted him since he saw Haley lying on the ground, at their house. Lifeless.

Seeing the love of his life like that … it opened a wound really deep in his heart. He would never forget Haley, but he learned how to think about her without making that wound bleed.

He never talked about that with no one at the Office. There was no reason to revive old ghosts.

Letting out a sigh, he closed the folder containing the report and was preparing to go home when he saw a lonely lamp lit in the bullpen.

He wasn't alone.

* * *

A lonely figure was sitting in his chair, apparently unaware of the world around him.

"Reid" called Aaron while walking towards him.

Spencer woke up from his daydreams "Oh … Hotch. I-uh … I didn't know you're here" he said while sitting straight in his chair.

"I was finishing the reports" Aaron replied simply. "It's late. What are you still doing here?"

"I was … uh-I was just thinking…"

They've been working together for something like seven years and being a profiler and the chief of the best team in Quantico, Aaron noticed the hesitation clearly present in Spencer's voice.

"What happened?" he asked bluntly.

Spencer looked up and met the interrogative eyes of his boss.

"Nothing," he said as he looked away, but he could feel the pair of dark eyes staring at him.

"Reid" Aaron said insistently.

He should know he couldn't keep that from his boss. It was exactly on the surface, anyone could read that.

He took long and deep breaths while Aaron sat on Prentiss' chair, the closest one.

"I was about to leave along with the rest of the guys when I got this call…"

Spencer was staring at his hands, resting on his desk. Aaron's eyes still on him.

"It was from Vegas … my mom …" his voice failed. He waited a moment and continued, trying to be firm "She's not responding to the treatment. The doctors said she doesn't remember anything," he gulped "or anyone …I knew that she wouldn't get better, a hundred percent better, but…"

He took a long deep breath once again before continue.

"It is irrational, I know. But I thought … I hoped …" his voice failed badly and he couldn't proceed any longer.

"Reid" called Aaron.

A few minutes later, Spencer lifted his face and looked Aaron in the eyes.

"It is not irrational," said Aaron. "She's your mother. She's your family and you love her. Trust me. It is not irrational. You expect her to be fine, to get better and it is totally understandable."

Aaron waited a moment or two apparently to see if Spencer would say anything, but as the silence stretched on, he asked

"You need a few days off?"

"No," said Spencer hastily. "No, I'm ok. I'll be fine …" he settled back in his chair and looked back at Hotchner to continue "Uh-Hotch … when-uh … when" he took a break, apparently choosing the words carefully.

"It felt distinctly awkward" Aaron's voice remained light and calm when he replied to Reid's unspoken question. That would be the first time he'd talk about the incident. "When Haley died it felt surreal. I saw her and I held her but I couldn't – no, I didn't want to understand that that body … wasn't Haley anymore, and it took me some time to get used to that information.

"When it hit me, I felt anger, sadness, frustration ... and eventually I moved on." The wound was throbbing but it was bearable. He smiled inside as being able to verbalize what he had long kept, afraid it would break him. Now he was staring at Reid once again. "It is hard now but it won't hurt forever. Time eases the pain. And Reid, you didn't lose your mother. She may not remember, but you do. You remember her and that's because she lives in you. Keep that in mind. She lives in you regardless of anything that may happen. That's the one thing you have to be sure."

Spencer considered those words for a couple of minutes.

"Thanks Hotch."

"You're welcome" said Aaron as he stood up and grabbed his suitcase.

"Hey Hotch" said Reid. "There's something I don't understand … How did you ..." He stopped; he knew that was a question that Hotchner would find rather obvious.

"First, you're afraid of the dark and you're standing alone. In the dark. The lights went out the minute I left my office and you didn't do anything, nor said" explained Aaron. "Second, it's almost two o'clock in the morning and usually, I'm the last one to leave. Third, your phone is at least one meter away when it usually stays in your pocket; I assumed you may have received very bad news. I didn't mean to profile you, but the signs were too evident."

"Oh ... I understand" settling in on his chair, he replied a little bit nervous; he had just become aware of the darkness. "Thanks once again"

"Want a ride?"

"Uhm … No thank you. I'm driving" said Spencer as he gathered his belongings quickly. "But I may want to walk with you to the parking lot" Aaron smiled.

* * *

Aaron was about to get into the car when he said loudly to Spencer "You should take a few days off … go see your mom."

"But she …" started Spencer when Hotchner interrupted him.

"I know. She won't remember you. But you can't stop thinking about her. You care about her, Reid. Not just about her memories. You care about the person she is, and the figure she represents to you. We lost because we told ourselves we lost, Reid."

He glanced at Spencer; he seemed to be stunned into silence and couldn't think of anything to say but "Leo Tolstoy". Both smiled.

"Good night, Reid."

"Night … Thank you, Hotch."

"You're welcome."

"**Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways****"**

**Stephen Vincent Benet**


End file.
